I know this is way overdue, but I wanted to make sure I gave
myself plenty of time to think and digest before trying to write about what the
2015 Realm Makers conference did for me.
I went to Realm Makers to meet and connect with new
likeminded people, with half-hearted hopes of improving my floundering
marketing strategy. (And, yes, I’ll admit it, to have a ball hanging out with a
whole horde of people as crazy as me!) I did both! But what surprised me was
that something else happened too—something that, quite honestly, has been much
more impactful by comparison.
Robert Liparulo’s opening keynote address caught my
attention with its point-blank simplicity and its call to STOP worrying about
all the extraneous details and bring the focus back to why we’re writing in the
first place.
Like so many other writers, I started off with starry-eyed
dreams of fame, fortune, NYT best sellers, and movie deals. And, like other
writers, I quickly came face-to-face with the reality that gave birth to terms
like “starving artist,” and jokes like “If you want to get rich writing, the
first thing to do is change your name to Stephen King,” a reality that throws
you face-to-face with people who say things like “Oh, you’re a writer? That’s
nice. Do you have a real job too?”
It is reality,
like it or not, and every starry-eyed dreamer needs a good healthy dose of it
now and then. The problem was, I overdosed. I told myself to be content with my
“starving artist” status, that it was the best I was going to get. I told
myself that it was okay for my books to reach only a few people—at least they
reached those few, right?
Once I was thoroughly saturated with that bleak perspective,
I let it make me passive. As I said, my marketing strategy (or lack thereof)
was floundering. But hey, that’s okay—if God wants me to make it big, He’ll
make it happen, no worries!
Enter Robert Liparulo again, with the appeal to “Be prepared
when God says ‘It’s your turn.’”
It made me stop and think: If God came to me right now and
said “Alright, it’s your turn to make it big! Are you ready to go?” what would
I have to offer Him (or the publisher/editor/agent/movie studio/etc. He’d sent
my way)? The answer was nothing short of dismal: One published novel, a 22-page
ebook that sold all of six copies, the first chapters/pages of a dozen
unfinished novels, 100+ story ideas, all unwritten…and absolutely no plan or
strategy for how to turn that disorganized heap of raw materials into something
useful and productive.
It was a major wakeup call, as if God was saying “Okay, you
get it now, so what are you going to do about it?”
Now I had come full-circle, back to Robert Liparulo’s
original point: Do what God has called you to do, and do it well, but make sure
you’re doing it for the love of doing it. Never before had it occurred to me to
think of my dreams as prayers to God to help me reach them, but as I
contemplated it, I began to realize how liberating the concept was.
That opening talk sent me into the rest of the weekend with
my passion for, not just writing, but for being
a writer, rekindled. I took pages and pages of notes. I laid awake at night
excitedly mulling over new ideas for reaching new audiences with my writing. I
texted my mom to tell her how excited I was about everything I was learning.
There were so many connections to be made, so much information to take in!
And then I started getting overwhelmed. I was beginning to
grasp the scope of the massive undertaking in front of me, and I didn’t know if
I was up to the job of tackling it. Where would I even start?
As Saturday started drawing to a close I felt myself
freezing up, thinking that maybe crawling back into my Hobbit hole of obscurity
where I could cuddle up all safe and sound with my self-doubt wouldn’t be so
bad.
Thank God, Robert Liparulo had one more talk to give: A
charge to writers to GO!
As I told Mr. Liparulo afterwards, even if that talk meant
nothing to anyone else there, it meant everything to me. Even if it touched no
one else at all, it changed my life. It changed the way I saw myself. It changed
the way I viewed my future not just as a writer, but as a Christian, as a human
being on God’s Earth. It touched on issues that I’ve spent the last year
wrestling with in areas of my life that (I thought) had nothing to do with my
writing.
I have always struggled with an irrational phobia of being a
pest, of seeming obtrusive, of admitting that I’m not okay, of swallowing my
pride, trust issues, and, at times, feelings of low self-worth, enough to ask
for help when I need it. It’s far easier for me to soldier on alone than to ask
for someone to hold my hand. I love taking care of others, giving advice,
sharing my knowledge, and helping in any way I can, but in my twisted view it’s
selfish and needy of me to ask for those same things.
To sit and be encouraged to go out and introduce myself, to
make my presence known, to ask for help and advice, to attract attention, to be
like that asteroid crashing into the earth…well, it was hard. And scary. My
initial reaction was to think “No way, I couldn’t do that!” But at the same
time, I felt a sense of peace telling me “Yes you can, it’s okay. At least give
it a try.”
So afterwards, I introduced myself to Robert Liparulo, told
him how much his talk had meant to me, and spent the next twenty minutes
enjoying a fabulous conversation with him. Later, I tracked down someone who
had raised an interesting question during the fight scene panel and asked him
if he would critique a scene in my novel that was related to his question.
In the weeks since Realm Makers, I’ve started contacting
bloggers about book reviews. I’ve been more open about my work as a writer, and
haven’t felt needy or conceited for doing so.
Outside of writing, I’ve been more open and honest with
myself as well as others. I called a friend for no other reason than to ask her
to pray for me as I went through a rough time. I’ve talked about my struggles
with people, asked them for help and advice. I went to my mom and laid bare an
entire pile of issues I’ve been struggling with for months. They don’t always
have the answers, but they’re willing and happy to listen to me, put an arm
around me, and pray for me.
And when those old fears and worries start whispering their
tired old lines of “Don’t bother them, you’ll seem like a nuisance; they’re
busy and your problems aren’t really that important; don’t draw attention to
yourself, that’s selfish; don’t say anything, you’ll seem totally weak and
needy…” Well, I just smile at them and say,
“But Robert Liparulo said I could.”
